傻傻看你　只要和你　在一起

不像現在　只能遙遠的　唱著你

The first few weeks of this june is so tiring and hard. 
I feel like I'm being rejected by my friends, I know I overthink but I am that kind of person!!
I think too much, I bother too much and no one gives a shit about me.
I feel so angry with Jaslin today. Once again, I felt like this is a one woman team...
I know that it had always been this way but today.. I felt so extremely angry that I wanted to shout and scream at her but i didn't. Instead, I cried. I just can't help it. I was so angry that she was just give ONE thing to do and she couldn't even do finish it.. She bring her friends and TALK, FUCKING ANNOYING, talk and talk. How the fuck am i suppose to concentrate? The mixed up emotions just kept building up since the start of the semester that I can't contain it anymore and just expressed it out through tears.

I wanted to find someone to talk to, like jessica, freda or angela.. But, that stubborn and want-to-be independent me convinced myself that i'm old enough to just shut up and move on. I remembered telling myself to have faith in me and I just instantly calmed down. I realised that It is so important to have faith in whatever I do, to trust that I will do my best in whatever I do so that I can safely said that I really put in my best and walk around with a smile in my face. 

You know, everyday, I will worry about my future. Every fucking single day, I will worry about my love life, my career and the stuff that I've been through. My love life is like zero, I'm fucking fat and ugly that why I wonder why would a man like someone like me? There is nothing special about me.. I can't help thinking about it. I can safely say that I'm 80% not afraid of being single but 20% of me wants to experience having a boyfriend. TO me, just one will be find but, from what the looks of it.. HAHAHA, no one want me. 

Then people will be, 'you can change what, you can put make up and go running to look slim.' I will be like ' fuck you, who are you to me that I have to change for you?' Like seriously, you expect me to slim down to get the attention of men? No, I'm not that kind of woman and I will never be. You either love me for who i am or fuck off and don't try to change me. 

So. I can say that 我说，我说，我要我们在一起，可是你不要因为我又胖又丑。。 没有男人要我. 
So.. That's is all my sad life and I will going back to my happy 'life' soon.
God bless my family and people who I love. 
With love,
Meiying