I had finish reading fruit basket, the manga, I love and hate it. I love how pure it is but I hate how pure it is as well. Such pureness doesn't exist in reality, such as girl like tohru are rare.. I want to be like tohru but I can't.... I can't because I am so so afraid that people will take advantage of my kindness. I want to be a kind and lovely girl but I don't think I am. I love helping people because everyone deserve some kindness from each other. I love people but I don't think people love me. I feel so sad and miserable for myself because how stupid i am  and how ugly I look that no man want me. I want to just give up in life but I don't want to hurt anyone. I want to die but I don't want people to cry for me. I want to be alone but i want to experience love. I don't know what am I feeling right now. My heart is breaking and I feel it breaking. My emotions are all store in a jar in me and I don't want to let it out to anyone... Idk idk idk. Idk what am I feeling right now. Idk is the three words to describe my strange emotions now. I don't know.