HAHA, first self photo in my new tiny room.

You know.. I've been thinking last night.
Why am i so unlucky?
Some of the people just don't like me, like no matter how i tried.
They just push me away.
Am i an embarrassment to those people?
Like because my appearance or my weight?
I looked myself in the full length mirror, super close up.
I had never seen myself that close up.
Shit, i have such super big legs and tummy..
Sigh, I know people want me to lose weight and all.
But, i see no point.
Lose weight to gain attention from people?
To let people say," OMG, you are so skinny!" ?
I know it is all about my health.
Maybe, one of the reason why i want to lose weight
would be for myself and me only.
I really wish i won't lose weight for some random man
who i would be crazy over in next three or two years?
I just.. can't imagine myself doing this for some stupid man?
Wow, i don't think i would do that.
I should have done it many years ago for my first crush
at Primary 4 or something like that.
HAHA, but i didn't.
And also, during Sec 2 when i was crazy over this
immature guy who always ask me to lose weight. -.-
HAHAHAHAHA, WTS RIGHT!!!
Omg, I still can laugh sia!
If this ever happen to me again, i think i will live with it.
I am super numb by those stupid things already.
Knowing that i would not get whatever i want,
I should just wish for their happiness or something.
Let them bang many random girls BUT ME.
Let them get all those stupid illness BUT ME.
Lol, sigh.
My happy family with my husband and children seems to be
drifting farther and farther away from me casue of
my stupid stubbornness, lol.
I don't know to change it or to just live with it.
I am just scared, that all.
So scared to make the first move.
Afraid of the outcome.
Afraid of everything, who doesn't?